Weight Off My Shoulders, and Up in the Air

I.  Am.  Done. 

33 radiation treatments done over 6 weeks.  It seemed like it was going to be a long time, and then - it was over.

B- looks rough but actually fared better than the doctors and nurses expected.  The skin is red, peeling, dry, like a good sunburn.  The scar area is contracted.  And even though I'm done the effects continue to work for about two weeks, so it may continue to cook on the inside.  I said to Chris that I seriously feel like B- is warmer to the touch that B+.  I suppose that makes sense.  It's just strange.

I had my last day of radiation all planned out.  It was supposed to be Wednesday the 17th.  Be done by 8:30 am, grab a coffee, and head to the spa to use a gift certificate that I've been holding on to since May.  It was for Mother's Day/post-Marathon treat.  Of course with a marathon if you get through it with all your toenails intact you're lucky.  I did not, definitely bruised, sore, and I lost 1.5 of them.  So pedi had to wait.  

This last day was gonna be IT!  But Monday evening they call me to tell me the machine had broke, and a new part was being installed the next day, so no patients could be treated.  That bumped my last day to Thursday, and I would get to treat myself on my last day to.... work.  Whomp whomp.

I had one last check-in with my doctor.  I could only ask her, "what happens now?"  She said they continue to monitor, both with scans and with palpation.  And that just seemed, after all this, so... simple?  And my inner voice kept shouting at her, "NO ONE FELT ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!"  In my head, by the time someone (someone, lol, anyone, random stranger) is feeling something on me, it's gone too far.  And this tucks back into the little box in my head labelled "scary stuff". 

We shall see.

But after that last day, I felt a sense of relief and freedom that I hadn't felt in a long time.  Everyday from July 18th to December 18 was CANCER.  And somehow that day, leaving the hospital I felt DONE!  I have a bunch of appointments in January.  And I know obviously it's not over.  In a minimum of 6 months I start a process of reconstruction.  Can't be setting of metal alarms forever!  But that's gonna have to fit around some planned activities.  (more on that later!)

I've gotten back into the gym.  It's been interesting to analyze myself and where I've gotten weak.  Seems to be my shoulder and chest is getting stronger, by oddly enough my right shoulder and core are not feeling 100%.  Can't hold planks like I used to, and my right shoulder fatigues quicker now.  Just things to work on.  

In the gym last week, I was doing shoulder press.  Chris was spotting me since my left shoulder is still a little wonky.  Did 25's no problem. Did 30's not bad.  Tried 35's.  These used to be no problem.  But I could feel the left getting goofy and I relied on the support of the seat back.  

An older man came up to Chris as he was re-racking my weights (that's what the trainers should do lol)  He told him I should lower my weights and bring my seat angle back, he said I have a weak back.  Chris said thanks, and the guy walked on.  Chris told me what he had said.  

"Weak back!  No shit Sherlock, I have half a chest too!  
Whadya recommend for that!"  
(Again my shouty inner voice.)

I picked up the 40's .  (Because I'm spiteful.)

I put them back down.  (Because he messed with my head.  And they were heavy.)

Not happening today.  Probably next week.  

I thank you all so. much. for reading the post on Baby Gavin last time.  The prayers and any donations you sent are an amazing blessing for him and his family.  I know he got to spend Christmas at home.  And back on with the fight they go.