The TMI I'm Up To Tomorrow..... Fair Warning!

"I am way late but thank you all for the birthday wishes... And for your concern/advice regarding bat squatter. I am here merely for your entertainment lol.  37 was truly an amazing year of firsts and 38 will no doubt bring more and some repeats I'm sure. "

Do you remember when I said that? Of course you do, y'all hang on my every FB status update.  That was July 15th.  4 days after my birthday and the same day I had a needle biopsy on my breast for "calcifications" seen that were not there on my October 2012 mammogram.   

July 15 Tuesday

The biopsy involves lying face down with your (my) little boob being pulled through a hole through the table and then clamped there... while they drive a needle up all in that.  And don't move.  Fun times!  Results in three days they say.

July 18th Friday

I'm at work in Hartford.  My phone rings before 9 a.m., the office doesn't even answer a phone till 9:00:01.  

 "The doctor would like to see you at 10, can you do that?"  

Uh, noooo.  I can't. I can do Monday... can you just tell me what's up so I'm not waiting all weekend?  
"Ummmm, nooo, are you SURE you can't come in today?"

Cue: about to throw up, crap my pants, whatever other bodily function is about to let go... tell my boss I need to leave like, now, crying... no one has ever seen me cry here.... 

Cancel my day, make a 3 p.m. appointment.  The nurse does the standard height, weight, blood pressure (probably 563/200).  I know what I'm about to hear... just effing tell me already....  The doctor comes in.  With THAT face.....

She tells me I have DCIS.  Ductal Carcinoma In Situ.  She says its Grade 0.  But not much else, or she did and I heard none of it.  She told me not to Google it.  She has already made me an appointment for Tuesday with a surgeon.    

I went home and Googled the shit out of it.

I'll give you the simple definition. DCIS is stage 0, meaning it has not invaded anywhere else.  It is contained in my ducts.  Because it hasn't invaded anywhere, that we know at this point, I will not need chemo. The recovery rate is excellent.  The recurrence rate is low, and even lower based on treatment.   

July 22

I meet my surgeon.  She is very nice, very thorough, compassionate, answers all my questions.  She says I will need to meet with an oncologist and plastic surgeon.  I may need gene testing.  She schedules me for a bilateral breast MRI.  The super nice front desk woman says she is my "appointment coordinator" (fancy!) and tells me to go buy a nice year-long appointment book.  She has a huge drawer of every. other. doctor. in. Connecticut. appointment cards, and proceeds to book me a consult, an MRI, and follow up.  I write it all down on a nice Post-It Note. 

July 26

MRI - nothing fancy.  More face down, boob hanging, don't move type of stuff.  Didn't know my new wrist tattoo was TOO fresh and was told "if you feel it heat up let us know quick" Awesome.  But my arms are extended over my head and out of the machine, Superman style, so no spontaneous combustion.  Crisis averted.  

July 30

Meet my oncologist.  She is also very nice, crazy knowledgeable.  Fills my brain with percentages and numbers and if/thens and I nod, and nod, and pack all this latest new information somewhere in my brain.  She draws my whole family tree on piece of paper in her own code.... noting there's no cancer anywhere in my family besides my gramma, who had a different type.  I'm the only one.  She feels a lump in my abdomen, but is the 4th doctor to not feel a thing in my breast.  There's no "lump" they all tell you you will feel on your self exams.... 

She shows me the MRI. During the MRI they inject you with a dye so as she goes through the slices, my left side lights up with uptake, not just a little- like the little spot where they needled me, a lot. Patchy, fuzzy white, scattered like snow over my upside-down mountain (molehill) of a boob.  Nothing on the right. Nada.  She says the area is quite extensive.  My boob is not really that extensive. (It's all bra.)  This plays a role in my treatment.  

She draws my blood for a $3500 gene test.  If I have the BRCA gene, my chance of recurrence of some type of breast cancer is 80%.  I can choose a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy.

She sends me out for an abdominal CT scan because she does feel a lump in my upper abdomen.  Sure, why not... my insurance is already smoking... and it's probably poop.  But it has a pulse... I'll take abdominal aorta for $200.

August 6

Back to the surgeon.  She also feels my aorta/poop lump, but also says it's my pulse, I'm so slender she can press it against my spine.  ($200 to me!)  And we discuss treatment.

Again I'll simplify:

A. Lumpectomy and radiation.  She doesn't recommend this as again, the area in question is extensive, my boob is not.  This would not leave me with a good aesthetic outcome.  They have to ensure clean margins, use wires to bracket the area... it's like trying to clear out all the diseased branches of a small tree, but still keep the shape of the tree, and you can't tell where the disease start and ends....  so option B. is 

B. Mastectomy with Immediate Reconstruction.  Basically take the whole thing and start the process to reconstruct immediately.  How do we reconstruct this bad boy???

a.  Take a flap of skin and muscle from my stomach, tunnel it up under my skin, and make a boob out of it

b.  Take a flap from my back, tunnel it around to the front, and make a boob out of it.

c.  Insert an expander, like an deflated implant.  I go weekly to have it injected with saline to make room for a final implant about 3-4 months after this first surgery.

She states c. is my best choice as I do not have enough skin to spare to use from my stomach or back.  I may disagree lol, but these other options also involve much more surgery time, recovery time, and an impact to totally unrelated areas that I don't need to be messing with. I need my back and my core all in working condition to get back to doing what I love. (Lifting heavier than the dudes next to me at the gym ;), mudders, spartans, half-marathons (because I'm done with those full ones..... oy)

August 13

I have a dentist appointment.  I have been to this dentist twice a year for 35 years?  My cousin was my hygienist forever and now works front desk.  

"Any new changes to your medical history?"

It's like crickets chirping and a deafening roar all in my head at the same time...

"Uh, cancer?"  I don't have a single goddamn cavity in 38 years.... but I have cancer.  

My visit is fine, and I tell my cousin.  And then I go to meet the plastic surgeon.  

This dude is also super nice!  Tells me how it's done.  Takes pictures.  Buck nekkid except for "medical undies".  Worst DMV license pic EVER!! This is what it's come to huh?? Takes measurements.  Shows me a snazzy Powerpoint.  I feel samples of implants.  Can't drive them off the lot though.  

September 3rd and 4th and 10th

I go back to the oncologist and she tells me my gene test is negative and my genes aren't mutant and therefore the 80% is back down to 10% and less with mastectomy.  She cannot recommend a bilateral because there just isn't anything there and my stars do not align to suggest it will happen again.  I agree.  I was all gung-ho ready to go all Angelina on them, but a few weeks of thought settled my itchy scalpel hand and I am resolved to do only what needs to be done.  

The surgeon agrees, and we're hammering down a date.  They think it'll be the 23rd or 25th. Three days later they tell me it's the 19th.  

Shit just got real.

The plastic surgeon just needed to know single or double, tells me to order a sexy chastity/compression bra that zips up to my neck, and asks what I like for pain meds?? (Whatever goes with a nice vin d'box.)

So this is the quick (or not so quick, sorry!) summary of "What I Did On My Summer Vacation".  I figure this hits all questions up until surgery, because I definitely don't know what to expect when I wake up.  

Please know that while what I write is layered with classic Amy sarcasm and my sprinkles of eloquent language, this is only my way of presenting in a way to lessen the "drama" so to speak, and by that, I mean, I am NOT writing this as an attention-seeking woe-is-me story.  I'm trying to leave it pretty cut and dry, with the where, what, when, and how covered.  I'll put a little blurb on FB but that'll be it.  Anything else I'll write here.  Please feel free to ask me anything too!  More and more women are being affected by this- many people (myself included) though that I was the last person to get something like this.... someone said they thought I was "invincible".  Hey, I haven't asked once, "why me".   Why NOT me?  

I'm taking this as it comes, it's out of my control, the only thing I can control is my attitude towards it.  

My doctors have literally been amazing.  Compassionate, thorough, and excellent communicators between each other and myself.  They don't leave the room till my questions are answered.  As a Doc myself, it's been strange to be on the receiving side of the attention and "fuss" but they have made this journey as comforting as can be.  And as a Doc, I'm partly an educator too, so I write this to also inform you of what this situation has been like to this point, so should you or someone you know one day be also diagnosed with a type of breast cancer, I can give you a small insight to what to expect.

Again, this is how it's been for ME.  This is a completely individual disease for every single person affected.  They are always still learning about how this disease works and grows and changes.... it is a daily fight.  For some, this fight is so. much. harder. than mine.  I don't begin to compare myself to those women who have fought for years, been physically sickened and weakened by chemo, and still got up every morning to care for their families.  Mine isn't shit.  

See you when I wake up!

Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings' end.