I'm Here!

Well that part's over and done with!  I thank all of you so much for your prayers and good vibe thoughts. And even some of you who told me you have loved ones going through something similar. And another bunch of you told me what runs you were doing this weekend and I love seeing you guys kill it out there!!!

I do not know what happened Friday. I lost like 8 hours of my life. The last thing I remember is being wheeled back from nuclear medicine to the room where Chris and my mom were waiting, about 8:15 am... I was all awake... Then it was 4 pm and I was waking up in recovery. So apparently I was also roofied.  I thought for sure I was going to see the OR, and do the count backward thing till I went to sleep, but no, roofied time warp.

Before I write more, forgive me for spelling errors, my one pupil is dilated (my bad) so the screen is a little goofy.

Prior to everything, I am taken to nuclear medicine.  Here they numb around the breast and then inject it about 5-6 times with the isotope that will travel to the sentinal lymph node.  While in surgery, the surgeon uses something like a Geiger counter to locate it, and dissect it, to determine if any cancer is in there, which I believe would make you Stage I.  They test everything there, while you're out, to make sure they secure that no cancer is left or determine if it spread.  

So like I said, I remember getting wheeled back to pre-op.  Here they start the neverending buffet of meds.  Zofran for nausea, a patch behind my ear to ward off nausea and dizziness (this is what blew up my pupil), and a Xanax.  That's some good stuff.

I meet my anesthesiologist.   OK, so his name is Dr. Ringering.  His phone rang with that old-school ring ring-ring, and he answers it "Dr. Ringering" and I thought he was joking, but no, that's his name and it sounded so funny to me.  And I wasn't even that hopped up yet.  He thought I was answering him too alertly though, and gave me more Xanax.  Go to sleep little girl.....

Literally cut to 4 pm.  I was apparently in post-op about 90 minutes.  And they wheeled me back to my room.  I was on the maternity floor, but there were no babies... Boo.  

The next hours are fuzzy.  The kids came to see me.  Tyler was so sad!  But by then I was awake and alert and sitting up so I probably didn't look all that bad.  Jack's the observant one, asking how I felt and if I was ok.... 

My surgeon had to be out of town the day after so I didn't get any info from her but she told Chris that my lymph nodes were clear, no invasion.  So if they took my breast, with everything in it... then I might be clear???  I don't want to anticipate this yet till I hear it from her mouth..

So, what do I feel like, look like etc...  They brought no sexy back with this big bra, so that's on me for the next few weeks.  I also have gauze and padding all up in there, so actually it still looks like I have some boob.  I have one drain clipped to my side, which my hot male nurse is helping me with.  

The area generally feels tight.  Like sore to take in a big breath.  I can feel the top edge of the expander under my skin.  I know I have at least two incision sites but I can't see much else.  

The anesthesia stays with you for a little while.  They removed my cath at 2:30 and by 10 I still hadn't peed.  I tried and tried.  It's like, it was right there but wouldn't make the exit.  So they had to recath me.  So my bladder wouldn't explode.  So.  Pleasant.   Anesthesia doesn't let you feel like you need to pee and messes your Kegal's.  So we had to give it more time. 

The next morning, after prayers to the God of Urination, I walked some laps and finally let in rain!!  So I said, I'm good to go. 

Right now, I don't feel that bad... I think because with the padding I still look like me, but when I have my post-op on Tuesday and if they change my dressings, and I catch a glimpse of what it looks like, I may have quite a few different feelings.  

Yeah, so Chris helped wash my hair in the kitchen sink, and I think the water ran over that nausea patch and into my eye, because later when my friend came by and she and Chris were talking with me, she said, "oh my god your one eye is totally dilated!'  Yeah, this is a good look.  Don't know how long that'll last.  

This has definitely been a "one step at a time" thing.  I can't get anxious about something two days from now.  I think, so far, given everything, this has been better than expected.  So I'm just going to do what I have to do to heal up and recuperate and get back to it.  

What are my restrictions?  No driving for 2 weeks.  No lifting the arm above shoulder height.  No lifting over 10 pounds.  I would like to lift 6 ounces of wine, but I gotta let the Percs wear off.:)  

Again, I thank you sooo much for your thoughts and prayers.  I'm already planning my events for next year.  I also got Double Dog Dared  to do a triathlon if my friend does a half-marathon.  Game on, sister.  I think its so important to have a goal in mind when yo're going through something like this.  It's so easy to think that an obstacle like this can derail you.  So many friends we're running this weeked and said they dedicated it to me, which is so humbling!  I'm carrying on with my goals for those that lost their battle.  If I still CAN, I WILL.  

I may have you, Cancer, but you don't have me.