And all of a sudden, my doctors don't need me anymore.
Move along...
Nothing to see here....
Except for the plastic surgeon... and even he has a PA now that can handle my more minor issues of
I saw them last week, where the consensus is "If I don't call you, all is good."
He said, "Well you're 4 months out, are you running?" I said, "A little bit." I said I was lifting a little but not chest and I definitely have weakness. ie: "push up" = "face plant"
He says, "Great well we can move on to the next step!" and he left and left it to the PA to tell me the "next step."
So now can come the symmetry part of the reconstruction. A little lift and a small reduction of B+. She said he could also do a small amount of liposuction--
and use that fat to inject around B- in areas where there are volume hollows. There is a bit of a hole right over the upper aspect of B-.
I asked when the time frame was for all this to be safe to start doing, and she said anytime!
And while this sounds all fine and good, I already knew what my answer would be.
"You know what.... I just need a break."
I feel like I've been in a constant state of healing, restriction, and caution for at least 7 months, if not more prior to the July exchange surgery. So undoubtedly there would be more when we start messing with B+ as well. I need a break from doctors, from pokes, and prods, and lifts...
I need people all up and out of my business.
(Not all people, just the people REALLY. up. in. my. business.)
Maybe I need a break from the focus being on me.
I saw a patient last week and she mentioned she had missed a week of physical therapy due to having a biopsy. I asked her where and she told me it was a breast biopsy. And she kept saying how painful it was and I said, "I know, I know". And I asked "And.....?" She said it was negative. "That's great", I said. But I could see something was still off with her. Like she hadn't breathed in 10 days. She started to cry and pour out how scared she had been, even upon hearing good results. Her aunt has it, as well as a friend of hers. But she hadn't told anyone she was having the procedure. She didn't want to worry her daughter, who's in her first semester away at college, or her family, because her aunt was in treatment with chemo and had been ill for a few years, and why should I tell you how lucky I am while you were not? I knew all those feelings she was feeling. And if this was the first place she could acknowledge them and let them out, then this was where it was going to be.
****
Fast forward a few months!! I left off up there around January and with not much going on I've been putting my efforts back into being normal!! A little running but damn am I all over the place with that. I've got a 10K in
Sometime in May I used a gift certificate that was oh, 18 months old, for a manicure at a local spa. My manicurist was young and had that super short cropped cute pixie cut. She was in the middle of filing my nails when she excused herself. She came back and said she was having a hot flash, which I found odd but said "No problem..." She then confided that she had just finished chemotherapy for breast cancer, and at that point, well I was just like "Hey, now we got something to talk about!" Because seriously I hate trying to make small talk, when you're forced to make small talk because you're sitting face to face a foot across from another person, and you can't run away, because they're gripping your wrist, filing your nails. (See why that gift certificate was old?)
I had my "every 6 monthly" mammo/ultrasound in June. And you get to know--
A. when they want more pics, and
B. when they linger over an area for a while with the ultrasound that they're looking at something suspect. And
C. when the radiologist walks in and rolls the stool up to sit down right in front of you then you know something's REALLY suspect. So I was like "Lay it on me."
He says there's two tiny new specks on B+ that are new since 6 months ago. He THINKS they're benign, and PROBABLY nothing, and he's DEBATING about suggesting a biopsy, but IF they're any different in 6 months THEN YOU DEFINITELY NEED ONE.
I was filled with warm and fuzzy comfort.
He finished with the "The numbers are on your side that it's nothing."
And I thought, "Really dude? The numbers were on my side to begin with and we know how that turned out."
So, the next day, my last patient is a woman going through her second round of breast cancer; her first rounds now of radiation. She was explaining that she felt fatigued since starting and wasn't sure if that was to be expected. At that point I decided to tell her that I had been through it and did feel some fatigue during my treatment. So we got to talking off topic about that and I confided my decision that had to be made about whether to get the biopsy or wait the six months.
She looked me in the eyes, and with a "Don't fucking wait!" I knew that I would not be fucking waiting.
The next morning I saw my oncologist who also believed the specks were nothing to be concerned about and she had talked with the other radiologist for a second opinion and SHE thought there was nothing to be concerned about. And I said, "I want the biopsy. Six months is Christmas... that'll suck..... But I can't do it for 2 weeks, because I'm going to Disney.... so I don't want to think about it while I'm down there.... that'll suck too."
I let her know that basically every time there's even a new speck on my mammos I'll be doing a biopsy-- so just get ready to sign off on 'em.
So we Disney-ed and that was a great time and I managed to not really think about the fact that B+ was trying to act up. My biopsy came and it was actually more comfortable than the first one thankfully.
So... we've been through this before yes? Yes. Results in three days.
Day 3, no call, no report on my patient portal. (Refresh, refresh, refresh.)
Wait, an early call is bad, and late call is good, no call is...... what does THAT mean!
Day 4, Friday. No report. I call the office. Lady answers. I said, "Hi, I'd like to know if my biopsy results are in?" Gave her my name. Hear papers ruffling, typing.....
"Yes they're in."
I wait.....
"Do you have an appointment coming up?"
"Uh, yeah, next Wednesday."
"Ok, we'll see you then, bye."
Ok, that is NOT how that played out in my head.
Acceptable options included, "Can I have the doctor call you?" "Would you like someone to call you with the results?" I would even take "We don't give results over the phone but I will have someone call you as it's been 4 days."
Long story short - by Day 9 by results were on the portal and it's negative. So B+ better behave because these things get friggen pricey.
By Day 10 I saw the oncologist who said that- yeah I know it's benign....
She apologized for the miscommunication about my results as well so all in all I am happy... for the next 6 months.
This summarizes the last 9 months. I don't plan on keeping up little posts with all with the mundane ins and outs of my life but it's so sweet when I get little messages from my friends now and again, asking how I'm doing. It means so so much. So this is how I've been doing. Pretty damn good.
xo
